you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize