My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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