My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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