What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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