her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
