god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Randomize
