I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
you inspire me to be a worse person
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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