He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize