My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
