I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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