Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
did you just send me my own nude
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
