Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
PANTIES FOUND
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