yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
