You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
