You're so nebulous sometimes
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
True strength comes from lack of pants
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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