Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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