I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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