just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
