just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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