p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
