I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
