Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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