Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
