how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
