you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize