Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
i think i just lost a toe
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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