So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
