i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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