I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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