You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Randomize
