conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize