Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
