We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize