She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize