I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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