your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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