happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
