WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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