i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
