Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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