hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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