Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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