Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
