I am spending my child support on dildos
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
