so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
this just has baby written all over it
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
