3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
