just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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