I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
