I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
