we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
