so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
The best revenge is premature balding
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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