seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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