I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I could make wine with my vomit
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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