you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
