I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
