You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
