don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
