dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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