Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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