at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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