pedialite and red bull = repair kit
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
