Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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