so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize