my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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